12.7.22

s.

apa yang ada di depan mata, apa yang ada dalam pikir, semua mengundang suara-suara tanya yang mengganggu. tidak, tidak mau kujawab. setan macam apa yang ada dalam pikir hingga diri selalu mempertanyakan aneka ragam hal dengan nada sinis? awalnya aku selalu mencoba menjawab, mempertanyakan kembali dengan nada berbeda. balik berbicara untuk mencari jawaban rasional atas sinisme yang sering kali tidak masuk akal. tapi detik ini aku lelah. berputar-putar mencari jawaban atas hal-hal yang bernada penghakiman membuat aku lelah. mengapa pikiran ini tidak mau diam? 

23.10.17

rasa

dalam sirkuit ini mengalir deras eunoia
derajat lengkung bibir selalu begitu adanya
euforia itu tidak habis-habis rasanya
mata terbuka dan tertutup sama indahnya

untuk jalan ini, aku tak tau lagi apa itu menyerah
aku tak tahu lagi bagaimana rasanya payah
sampai tidak sanggup pikir mengambil langkah
aku tak tahu lagi bagaimana rasanya jengah

pemakluman bukan lagi sebuah keterpaksaan
ia datang karena kehadiran baris ketulusan
untuk berkata mengerti tanpa unsur rekaan,
suatu pencapaian dengan kepayahan

-Lana-

9.9.17

semoga apa yang mereka lihat sebagai derita, tidak jadi secuil pun beban untuk kebesaran hatimu.

-Lana-

5.8.17

dead soul

it used to be a pleasant place to visit.
your number one favorite tower full of affection and attachment.
it used to be.
many things happened.
many things have changed.
we're getting older.
we're changed too.
and you're changed too.
the building, now it's too far away to go to.
you didn't have enough excitement to pay a visit tho.
in a rare time when you're alone and lonely,
you would thought that as a nice place to visit.
it just so beautiful from afar.
even in a dusty picture it looked sublime.
once you went there, there were nothing to see.
you realised it just a wreckage.

abandoned building with no soul.

-Lana-

3.8.17

caring heart

some people are cruel, but some other people are really nice. I know you know. not everyone have the heart you had. not everyone as kind as you. and not everyone will appreciate your kindness. some people just too busy with their own life. sometimes they forget to be grateful about the tiny things – and just pay attention to the big thing. but nevermind. I never really care if everyone won’t appreciate my kindness. I did it with no thought of any reward anyway. no matter how small; even just come to my friend’s ‘big day’ and give a little present, support my friend’s band by buying their record or just come to their gig, help my friend’s assignment, randomly ask how’s their life lately, bring some snack for my office mates, listen to my friend’s complain about life; and another not-so-big-act-of-kindness. don't you ever tired of being nice to people and try to make them happy. I do it cause it makes me happy. some people tired for everyone who they’ve been there for but haven’t been there for them. but I don’t really give a fuck. well, if you hate being a nice person cause you’re exhausted, then don’t be. you just being cruel to yourself. throw away yourself for doing something you don’t really want to do? nah. my mother once told me, don’t live your life just for yourself. and I’m trying to live my life that way.

-Lana-